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Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Grudge Tuesday: What Grandma Shouldn't Say (or think, for that matter)

Warning: This is not a "nice" post.

I've decided to join gwendomama and participate in Grudge Tuesdays. I was reviewing my blog tonight and mentioned to my mom how surprised I am that everything is cute. Really, my life is not all cute things. I thought I didn't even like cute. Why does cute stuff come out of me? What happened? I've always sort of fancied myself as some version of an alterna-person. I used to be defined by coworkers as "the one who dresses weird" or "an artist" or some other non-conforming kind of thing. Now I have kids and make cute stuff. Now, that's weird. So, to expose/explore some of the less cute side of my life I'm going to grudge publicly. Grudge Tuesday is supposed to be about releasing one's grudges—an online catharsis—just send your bad juju into the ether and be free of it. So here it goes.

Things my not-so-dear paternal grandmother said:

"What's wrong with the KKK, my daddy was friends with them." [Cringe]

"You know, B would be much prettier if she didn't have such big lips." This about my beautiful sister, who doesn't have big lips. And, what's wrong with big lips anyway? Isn't lip enlargement a vanity surgery?

"You have thick calves, Michelle." I was wearing Ugg boots. I know, a mistake, but still.

Here's one I didn't hear first hand, but was told to me by my mother. During a particularly bad time in my grandmother's life, when she was getting a divorce and had two children under five, she contemplated jumping off the Golden Gate bridge. The topper was that she wanted to take her kids with her so that her ex wouldn't "get to have them."

Nice woman, eh? She also physically and emotionally abused her kids. Bad, bad person. Well, you know what happens when you're a bad mom like that. Nobody cares when you die. She's still sitting in a little box in my aunt's laundry room.

Bye bye grandma.



Blogger gwendomama said...

you rock babe.
and grandma...guess who had the last word?!

Tue Nov 07, 09:37:00 PM PST  
Blogger Blaize said...

I think that the laundry room is the perfect place for her, since it might have the ability to scour out some of the bad aura of her existence. Plus, her ashes could always "accidently" fall into the utility sink and get swept down the drain. Although sewage treatment plants aren't really up to coping with toxins like that.

Tue Nov 07, 10:02:00 PM PST  
Blogger stephanie s said...

is it bad that i am laughing?
now you can be gone with her... it's going to be difficult waiting another 7 days for the next installment.

Wed Nov 08, 12:30:00 AM PST  
Blogger kirsty said...

I love this idea of grudge release! Sounds like your first grudge post couldn't have been about a more deserving person ;-)

Wed Nov 08, 03:57:00 AM PST  
Blogger Ruth Singer said...

well said. My "lovely" grandmother told her son in law (my dad) that his mother had died because he was a bad son. (nothing to do with a brain tumor,clearly). such a nice person. when the rabbi did her funeral there was a barely suppressed snort of laughter when he said 'and she never had a bad word to say about anyone'.

Wed Nov 08, 04:59:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Linda said...

Your last comment about your departed grandma reminded me of a song from the broadway musical 'Wicked'- there's a song with a line that says "no one mourns the Wicked, the Wicked die alone." And a line of dialogue that says "are you born wicked, or do you have wicked thrust upon you?"

Wed Nov 08, 06:22:00 AM PST  
Blogger PamKittyMorning said...

Wow, I LOVE the idea of Grudge Tuesday. Sounds like Grandma deserves the grudge against her.

Wed Nov 08, 08:14:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Beata said...

What a refeshing post...definitely, not cute!

Wed Nov 08, 08:39:00 AM PST  
Blogger Julie said...

Okay -- I was laughing by the end of your post. What a great release! I started doing this with one of my podcasts -- I need to get back to it.

Wed Nov 08, 10:03:00 AM PST  
Blogger Susan said...

Sometimes those memories are the best commemoration one can offer.

Wed Nov 08, 12:31:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Jane said...

I think that's a great idea, the grudge tuesday! A bit of fresh air!

Wed Nov 08, 02:13:00 PM PST  
Blogger capello said...

wow. your grandma and my grandma could get together and give each other all their bad juju.

my grandma did all this geneology research and found out that her ancesters owned slaves and SHE WAS REALLY PROUD.


Wed Nov 08, 02:48:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Amy said...

Even I feel relieved for you to set it free. Of all the people I've crossed paths with, be it family/friend/stranger, I'm so thankful the bitter, condescending ones are far and few between. Unfortunately of those few, my father's wife falls in the crass category. I won't even post what she has said before, it wouldn't be very lady like.

Wed Nov 08, 03:41:00 PM PST  
Blogger futuregirl said...

I was laughing by the end, too. But I know when you have to actually deal with a person like that, it's no laughing matter. It always seems so wrong to wish horrible people will die, but clearly, they are much better as a humorous grudge post and not a constant source of pain, anxxiety, and bad energy.

I'm not sure I'm bold enough to post my grudges, but I like gwendomama's write-burn-jump thing. :)

Thu Nov 09, 07:07:00 AM PST  
Blogger Blaize said...

Maybe Grudge Tuesday should be followed by anti-grudge (I hate the word "celebration") Wednesday. Or Thursday. I.e., a day where you talk about something/someone who has unexpectedly delighted you. A way of sending good juju out after the bad has been released. Catharsis is purging, and is supposed to be followed by healing, no? Or, rather, by what Aristotle called ekstasis (Greek: ἔκστασις), ecstacy, which is not the same as schadenfreude. Just a thought.

Thu Nov 09, 10:22:00 AM PST  
Blogger Angelina said...

Oh my god, your grandma, Capello's grandma, and mine should all get together in hell. I tried so hard to love mine but she was a mean bitter lady and once forced me (a vegetarian since birth-remember: hippie mom) to eat an entire pork chop even though I told her it made me want to vomit. She sat with me at the dinner table for three hours drinking cocktails watching me try to eat that piece of pork which got more disgusting as it got cold.

Cute happens to the best of us non-cute people. You can't help it. Actually I must say that I have thought your crafts are beautiful, interesting, colorful, and different but I have never thought of your blog as the place to come find cute stuff. But now that you mention it.....

Thu Nov 09, 11:04:00 AM PST  
Blogger Frizz said...

Love this Grudge Tuesday thing. It's so not funny but it is.

I always try to do "edgy" but it always comes out cute so I just go with it. I agree with Angelina, I wouldn't label your work "cute".

Aww heck... lets drop all the labels. Your work is very Green Kitchen - whatever that is at that moment!

Thu Nov 09, 11:47:00 AM PST  
Blogger Brown Pants said...

Wow! You're grandma makes mine sound tame! Yay for you for releasing that grudge!

Thu Nov 09, 03:10:00 PM PST  
Anonymous elizabeth said...

wow, my paternal grandma sucks too! She makes fudge and brings it to family get togethers, and then makes snide remarks about how fat we (my sister and I) are, and how we shouldn't be eating the fudge.

Fri Nov 10, 02:42:00 AM PST  
Blogger Becky said...

I bet your grandma was abused herself. sounds like she had a life full of pain and had to pass it on to someone else. It's damn hard to feel empathy, when it's a family member that you Have to deal with!

Sat Nov 11, 06:56:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Kim said...

When I was going through my divorce, and in so much pain, my mother told me that if I was going to be so depressed and upset all the time, she should have just had an abortion (when pregnant with me).

We've come a long way, baby.

Sat Nov 11, 07:32:00 AM PST  
Blogger Aurora said...

Yah! Yah! Wow, 'chele, that's one super great post.

Now to reflect on the things I hated the most which are, or course, my own dear shortcomings....

ps grudge tuesday seems like a natural ritual for a pagan like me! thanks for the inspiration.

pps let's get together.

Sat Nov 11, 10:47:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Ann said...

My husband's father recently died and his mom died 4 years ago. They both were the most obnoxious people! And no one misses either one of them a bit. I couldn't see where either of them had a bad childhood. I don't know if it was just the fact they didn't know how to handle life so they became sour and bitter.

We ran into a co-worker of my husbands this past week at the doctor's office. He said his mother was in for some testing. She was 91 and in excellent health except for having a bad memory. He went on to say he was so grateful for her good health but was even more grateful that she was a sweet old lady rather than a bitchy old lady. My husband and I looked at each other and chuckled a bit. Yeah, we got two old bitchy people to take care of.

Sun Nov 12, 03:31:00 AM PST  
Blogger mimulus said...

i find i start to stray when all I see is cute. keep it real, and i/m all yours.

Sun Nov 12, 07:55:00 PM PST  
Blogger Kimberly Sherrod said...

I am sitting here laughing out loud! That is histerical! My (toxic) birth mother who has 5 children (only one still talks to her) was in the hospital after having another surgery to cut the evil out of her- and I walked in without having seen her in 6 years and she sits up and says "Well, I guess all my daughters are Fat now"
The funny part was I hade quit smoking and gone from a size 5 to a size 9. I wasn't fat. She's still kickin and still scary and hateful and when she dies we'll all probably dance on her grave! Ha! She created the relationship issues and we've all decided that no mother is better than her as a mother! (I was raised by my step mom so I was lucky) Thanks for Grudge Tuesday- that's good stuff!

Tue Nov 14, 03:15:00 PM PST  
Anonymous leeanne said...

when my grandpa died and they came to take his body they asked my grandma if there was anything shed liek to say to him before he died and she said "no i just wish i wouldve slapped the son of a bitch before he died" they didnt have a funeral and he came home in a cheerios box. and into the laundry room he went. in the spring i asked my grandma for him so i could put him in my flower beds. she said " ooh annie you dont want that" i said "grandma what did you do with him" she said "well i was cleaning and he was just sitting the collecting dust.." which means he now resides in the landfill. lol
in my 30 years with him he was the sweetest kindest man ever and he worshipped the ground she walked on but apparently before i was born when he came home from the war he was really mean and abused her and the kids. over 30 years of trying to make up for it and she still held a grudge. they didnt have internet or grudge tuesday or im sure she wouldve hopped on board! lol

Thu Nov 16, 10:48:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Julie said...

That was so sad. I'm sorry she wasn't a kinder person.

Thu Nov 16, 08:18:00 PM PST  
Blogger Green Kitchen said...

Wow! 27 comments! Thank you everyone for sharing your grandma stories. I'm glad that some of you got a good laugh. I love me a wicked sense of humor.

So, I was telling my friend about my blog and this post and he told me his grandpa got left at the crematorium. Bad, molesting grandpappies just get left in the dust, or as the dust, as it were.

Thu Nov 16, 10:37:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Alicia P. said...

Wow -- I've never heard people talk about things like this in real life. I like Grudge Tuesday. I needed to hear this today.

Mon Nov 20, 09:28:00 PM PST  

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